dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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