I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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