Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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