I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
