i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
