Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
