drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
