if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
