I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
