I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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