I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
