gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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