i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
