babies were throwing up all over the place
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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