Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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