But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
