if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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