Nicole vs. Life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
