How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My bed smells like the plague
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
