"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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