i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
