my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
