She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
