she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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