New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
