Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
that is very illegal...i love you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
