He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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