I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
