did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
