Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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