We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
