I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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