I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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