Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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