I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
