i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
