batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
