I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
