Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
my liver is dry heaving
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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