Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
