so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
