I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
