apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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