You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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