Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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