areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
