WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
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A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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