i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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