I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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