I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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