he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
