At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
