It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
