i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize