i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
