listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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