the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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