so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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