my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
