He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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