The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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