oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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