I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
