If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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