Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
