Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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