your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
