So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
