Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize