i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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