He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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