You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Swine flu. Run for my life!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
