We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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