I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
