I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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