While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
