3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
