oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
did i just pee glitter
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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