If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
