Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
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We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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