I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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