yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
